Thursday, July 02, 2009

"1776 And All That"

1. What is the supreme law of the land?
2. What do we call the first 10 amendments to the Constitution?
3. What are the two parts of the U.S. Congress?
4. How many justices are on the Supreme Court?
5. Who wrote the Declaration of Independence?
6. What ocean is on the East Coast of the United States?
7. What are the two major political parties in the United States?
8. We elect a U.S. senator for how many years?
9. Who was the first president?
10. Who is in charge of the executive branch?

(Answers: scroll down)

PS. Wanna be depressed? Read how Arizona high school kids did on the test. Excerpt:

You know those groan-inducing spots on late-night television when the typical person-on-the-street can't identify the vice president?
That's akin to what happened to the state's education system Tuesday, with the issuance of a new report that found only 3.5 percent of traditional public high school students would be able to pass a U.S. citizenship test.

[They bombed] out on questions such as who was America's first president, who wrote the Declaration of Independence and what do we call the first 10 amendments to the Constitution.

There's little room to be smug from the charter school or private school arenas. While they both did better, they still did poorly, with only 7 percent and 14 percent of those students passing the test, respectively, according to a survey by the Goldwater Institute, a conservative think tank.


Read it 'n' weep.

And now..... the rest of the story. (Scroll down.)































1. What is the supreme law of the land?
Whatever five members of the Supreme Court can agree it is, for however long they can remain in agreement.

2. What do we call the first 10 amendments to the Constitution?
Irrelevant.

3. What are the two parts of the U.S. Congress?
The Appropriations Committee and the Ways and Means Committee.

4. How many justices are on the Supreme Court?
Four. The injustices are leftists.

5. Who wrote the Declaration of Independence?
Some pot smoking slave owner.

6. What ocean is on the East Coast of the United States?
The Ocean of Red Ink.

7. What are the two major political parties in the United States?
The Demmicans and the Republicrats.

8. We elect a U.S. senator for how many years?
Eighteen to twenty-four years. But it varies. Among conservatives, you’re elected until you have sex with your wife’s best friend, until you fly to Argentina to meet your e-babe[, ADDENDUM: or until David Letterman calls for your 10 year old to be raped by a baseball player].*

Among leftists, you’re elected until you defy Markos Moulitsas.

Democrats can double the normal 24-year term, though, if they joined the Klan when they were younger.


9. Who was the first president?
Some white guy. I think he owned slaves. I can’t remember exactly.

10. Who is in charge of the executive branch?
Apparently, a space alien on crack.

*Yeah, I know two of my three examples are governors. Sue me.

ADDENDUM July 4, 1776 (Not)

Today we celebrate that stirring day in history, July 4, 1812, when the first president of the United States, Benjamin Franklin, emerged from the old State House in Boston, held up the new Constitution freshly penned by Thomas Jefferson of New York, and announced to the cheers of the gathered throng that, "These United Colonies are, and of right ought to be, free and independent of the crown of Spain!" Who would not wish to have been there, joining in the joyous tumult, as the commander of the Continental Army, Ulysses S. Grant, promptly ordered his men to board the waiting steamships and set sail for San Juan Hill?


ADDENDUM July 5.

Who's this Ben Franklin guy? And where's Sam Hill? Besides, I thought we fought the war against the Germans....

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