(This one's for all the children at Little Green Footballs. They know who they are.)
It appears there is some unwritten rule that says I should tell people 25 Things about Me. Well. Here we go.
25 Things about Me.
0. I was born on Frank Zappa’s 21st birthday. My astrological sign is “neon.”
0A. I also share birthdays with Joseph Stalin and Jane Fonda. Wheee.
1. I work at the law firm of Me Myselphen Eye, a.k.a. Holden Caulfield PC. My true profession is that of Catcher in the Rye.
1A. As a lawyer, I do okay. But as for catching people in the rye, I am not very good at it.
2. I am very fond of obscure 1970s military simulations published by The Avalon Hill Game Company. About as many people still play games from The Avalon Hill Game Company as still avidly play Space Invaders and Pong. Alas.
3. I am very, very fond of 1970s era rock music, and have an entirely too large collection thereof.
4. I have no idea how to reset my Ipod-wannabee to “shuffle” so I am doomed to hearing them over and over again in precisely the same order.
5. I am also very fond of movie soundtracks. John Williams is not God but will do in a pinch.
6. I once wrote a novel. It sucked.
7. I don't like John Grisham very much. OTOH, I am convinced that the author of the “Solomon v. Lord” series of law novels must have downloaded all the legal files from my hard drive before writing them, even if they are set in Miami.
8. I am also very fond of Monty Python and Classic Trek and can probably quote more of them verbatim than I could the New Testament.
8A. When I stand before St. Peter this is not going to do me any good.
9. The holiest words since Revelations: “We hold these truths to be self evident: that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, and that among those rights are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.”
9A. The next holiest words are from St. James Madison's The Federalist #10: "If men were as angels government would not be necessary."
9B. The third holiest words are from The United States Constitution: "We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America."
9C. As you have already no doubt figured out, I am a great advocate for the Constitution, and for the role of those with faith under that Constitution as full-throated participants.
10. I was blessed with the best parents in the history of the human race, with the possible exception of Joseph and Mary. Likewise my eight brothers and sisters.
11. In spite of the aging process, inflated spare tire and grey white hair, I still secretly think I’m about 19 and that it’s still 1981.
12. I remember the awesome events of Freshman Year with much greater clarity than I do any events in the last five years.
12A. Make that the last twenty-five years.
13. Most of my best friends are people whom I would not recognize if they walked up to me on the street and shook my hand.
14. I do not want a teddy bear on my head, thank you, my son.
15. As soon as they identify the individual responsible for my children’s autism, if there is such a person, I’m going to put a bear on HIS head......a live one.
16. I share my life with a woman who is perfect in every way but one: she has the weirdest taste in husbands I have ever encountered. (Our relationship is strange and wonderful; she’s the wonderful part.)
17. I have learned that when you have three boys under the age of 12 the entire Star Wars series gets played so much in the background on the DVD player it becomes almost a liturgy.
18. I believe Steely Dan’s “Kid Charlemagne” and “Babylon Sisters” are the very best cool jazz rock songs ever written.
19. I think that, like democracy, Roman Catholicism is the worst religion in the history of man except for all the others. Show me the bones of Christ and I'd convert to Orthodox Judaism in a heartbeat.
19A. The fourth holiest words are from Ss. Jake and Elwood Blues: "Illinois Nazis. I hate Illinois Nazis."* (My definition of "Illinois Nazi" is rather broad, but includes anti-semites of every stripe.)
20. I still believe the bloodless destruction of Soviet Socialism and the collapse of the USSR is proof that God exists and that there is justice in the universe after all. I also believe that anyone who thinks that Soviet Socialism was in any way cool is certifiably insane.
21. I believe old friends are not to be lost lightly, and I still mourn those I have.
22. My German is terrible but my Russian is pretty good. In order to recite the alphabet in either I need a dictionary. (I can still recite the alphabet in French with perfection–even though I only had ½ a semester of French class in Jr. High School and speak not a word of it.)
23. The girl who sat behind me in French class in Jr. High School is now a clerk for one of the judges in this county; this has occasionally proven very useful.
24. Speaking of Jr. High School, I am still of two minds of the nature of the eternal punishment that I face: is it returning to Ottawa Jr. High School for eternity, or going back to Army Basic Training? If the latter. my personal tormentor will be Drill Sergeant Craine, United States Army, armed with a treadmill with no off switch. If the former, the nameless guy who kicked the hell out of me daily in Junior High school.
25. I don’t like being in my forties. They’re no fun at all.
*The above quote has been corrected. It was St. Indiana who said "Nazis. I hate those guys." But St. Jake said it better, and first, as above.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
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Keep your meme clean. Thank you.